5 Common Mistakes in DIY Divorces and How to Avoid Them

The percentages are different in various states, but estimates show that approximately 35-45% of all divorces filed today are filed pro se, or on your own. (Pro se is a Latin term meaning “for  one’s self” or “on one’s own”.) The trend of DIY divorces is on the rise – in some counties, a majority of divorce cases has at least one party who chooses to represent themselves. 

This trend is understandable, especially during a downturn in the economy. Before making this choice, however, you should be aware of the pros and cons of filing on your own as well as common mistakes that can cost you a lot of time and money and how to avoid them.

At Diamond Legal, we offer a variety of services for clients who are going through a divorce, ranging from full representation to Limited Scope. Every situation is different, and we believe that everyone should have access to quality legal representation. If you would like to talk with an experienced family law attorney and learn more about your options, give us a call today – our team is happy to help!

Mistake #1: Inadequate Understanding of Divorce Laws

Divorce – the unwinding of two lives and dissolution of a marriage – is a complicated thing, and divorce laws are different in every state. Added to that, every divorce is different. The strategy and timeline for a friend’s or relative’s divorce may look very little like the strategy and timeline for yours.

This means that when you choose to represent yourself, you are also choosing to try to navigate Illinois divorce law by yourself without the benefit of law school. It’s easy to misinterpret state-specific laws, and even easier to miss something because you don’t know to look for it.

If you choose to file pro se, one solution is to schedule time to research Illinois divorce laws and take detailed notes on what you learn. You may also wish to talk with our team about our flat fee uncontested divorce service or Limited Scope representation, which involves hiring an experienced attorney to handle specific parts of your case. This way, you can still handle your case and save a lot of money, but also have the legal advice and oversight you need.

Mistake #2: Incomplete or Incorrect Paperwork

If you’ve ever looked at a legal document, you know how detailed they are – and divorce documents are no exception. Many couples who decide to file for uncontested or pro se divorce don’t initially realize the amount of paperwork and detail they will need to handle.

If your paperwork is incomplete, incorrect, or in any way improperly filled out, it can cost you additional time and money to correct it. 

One way to avoid this mistake is to create detailed checklists that will help you make sure everything is filled out correctly. This takes more time on the front end, but it will save you time in the long run.

A simpler solution is to have an attorney review your documents before they’re filed and advise you of any changes that are needed. The Diamond Legal team offers this service – give us a call to find out more.

Mistake #3: Overlooking Financial Details

When a couple gets divorced in Illinois, all of their marital assets must be divided equitably. Not equally, but equitably.

In layman’s terms, this means that each party is provided for as completely as possible. 

There are several different things that must be taken into account when deciding how to divide assets, including:

• Each party’s ability to earn money (marketable skills, whether they currently have a job or will need to find one, and how quickly they are likely to be able to do so)
• The existence of a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement
• Each party’s debt and financial need
• Which party will get the house (or if it will be sold and the proceeds divided)
• Whether spousal support (alimony) will be offered
• The details of child support, if you have minor children

There are other details to consider, but these are the most common.

When you’re looking at the financial details, all of them need to be considered and disclosed. This means your regular checking and savings accounts, retirement and investment accounts, property and real estate that you own, and anything else that might apply.

It might be tempting to hold something back or to mark it as “TBD”, but this process is part of divorce proceedings. Unfortunately, they can’t be put off or talked about later.

One way to avoid this mistake is to put the time aside to sit down with your spouse and create a comprehensive inventory of all of your assets and liabilities. This includes the larger “obvious” items and the ones that you take care of every month, but rarely think about. Sitting down together will allow you to brainstorm and make sure you’re not missing anything.

If you’re unsure about handling this process yourself – or if you want another perspective to help you make sure you’re on top of the details – you may find it helpful to consult with a financial advisor or divorce attorney who can ask the questions you might not think of.

Mistake #4: Misunderstanding Child Custody and Child Support

Even if you and your spouse determine that you should no longer be married, you share something in common: wanting the best for your children. 

And even though you both want the best for your children, it can be difficult to come to an agreement as to what is actually best for them. Rather than working together under the same roof to raise and protect your children, you will now both have to work together, but separately.

This might mean making concessions in your schedule to accommodate their needs, or it might mean allowing your spouse to have more parenting time with your kids. It might also mean cooperating on who pays for what and who makes which decisions.

These aren’t easy choices, especially if tensions start to run high. When you’re used to seeing your kids every day, it can be really difficult to accept that you’ll only have them part of the time – or that your spouse might do things differently at their place than you do at yours.

It might mean coming to an agreement on the major points while allowing some freedom on the minor ones. In other words, agreeing on where your kids will go to church and school, how you’ll handle medical issues and extracurriculars, but giving grace on bedtimes and what they eat for dinner.

When you submit your divorce agreement, you will need to also submit a detailed parenting plan if you have minor children. The court will look for what is actually feasible for you to manage, but their main priority is the wellbeing and best interests of your children.

One way to avoid creating and submitting a parenting plan that doesn’t meet the state’s requirements is to research them and do everything you can to meet those requirements. If emotions are running high and you need help with this, you may find it beneficial to work with an attorney and/or participate in mediation.

Mistake #5: Emotional Decision Making

This leads us into one of the most potentially harmful pitfalls of a DIY divorce: emotional decision making. 

We’ve all talked with people who have a “take them for everything they’re worth” mentality when it comes to divorce. Adopting this attitude can be easy when emotions are running high, but most people find that approaching their divorce this way isn’t the best idea, for many reasons.

While having an experienced attorney is strongly recommended for handling all the legal details of your divorce, there is also a huge benefit to having an objective third party – one who is very knowledgeable about the process – to help you make strong decisions along the way.

Making decisions based on emotion will often only do one thing: cost you far more time and money than you ever wanted to spend. You might end up getting what you want in the end, but will the fight really be worth it?

However, emotional decision making also comes with another drawback: it can distract you from necessary discussions and legal details, making it easy to make other mistakes.

One way to avoid this mistake is to build a strong support system that includes friends, family, and professionals. You may also find it helpful to look into counseling or therapy to help you manage emotions and make clear-headed decisions. (We’re happy to provide referrals if you’re looking for someone – just ask!)

Another way to prevent this mistake is to hire an attorney for the level of service that fits your needs and allow them to walk you through the challenges that will come with your divorce. At Diamond Legal, we offer a range of services and will be up front with you about which options will best fit your needs.

Want to know more (and get your questions answered)? Give us a call today – our team will take great care of you and get you scheduled quickly with an attorney.

DISCLAIMER: Any information contained herein is solely for informational purposes. While it is important that you educate yourself, nothing herein should be construed as legal advice or create an attorney-client relationship. For specific questions, we urge you to contact a local attorney for advice pertaining to your specific legal needs.