Building Strong Bonds: Trust and Collaboration in Co-Parenting

In the midst of divorce, trust is usually one of the first things to be lost – but a level of trust is necessary to rebuild in order to form a strong co-parenting relationship. It’s important to recognize that this will take time and effort, but it’s also necessary to decide that building this trust is worthwhile.

One thing that many co-parents find helpful is to realize up front that the issues that caused your divorce do not have to carry over into your co-parenting relationship. Your marriage was about the two of you; your co-parenting is about your children, and only about your children.

Over the past 40+ years, the family law team at Diamond Legal has helped many families through this process. In fact, some of those families are on our staff! We have seen the benefits that healthy co-parenting brings, both for the parents and for the children, and we’re ready to help you build a parenting structure that works for your situation.

Establishing the Importance of Trust and Collaboration in Co-Parenting

Trust and collaboration are two crucial components of a co-parenting relationship; unfortunately, these are the two traits that are likely to have been destroyed in the circumstances that led to the divorce. 

In order to rebuild both, it’s helpful for both parents to agree to cooperate for the sake of their children. 

Divorce can have profound effects on kids, often disrupting their sense of security and well-being. Everything they knew turns upside down, and they often don’t get a say in what their life looks like afterward. 

An effective co-parenting strategy can alleviate much of this, providing a stable, consistent, and loving environment that allows your kids to thrive. It can also help them to understand that although you and your spouse can no longer be married, you will always love and support them as their parents.

Our family law team is ready to answer any questions you might have and to coach you through the steps of rebuilding a co-parenting relationship.

Rebuilding Trust After Divorce

Trust is built upon three pillars: confidence, commitment, and consistency.

Although you may no longer trust the other parent as a spouse, if you can both agree to work together for the wellbeing of your children, you can rebuild each of these – at least as far as they will affect your co-parenting relationship.

• Confidence can be rebuilt through taking personal accountability and agreeing to communicate considerately. This might need to be done through your attorney at first, but over time, it can be achieved.
• Commitment may take longer to build, and it will require effort on the part of both parents. It starts by agreeing that your children come first – and it grows by following through on financial and parenting responsibilities, adhering to court orders, communicating in a timely manner, and keeping promises.
• Consistency in your behavior and communication will allow your co-parent to trust that they can depend on you when it comes to your children.

This is much of why parenting agreements in Illinois are as detailed as they are – so that everything is spelled out in advance, allowing both of you to build trust in each other more quickly as co-parents.

Our team has decades of experience in helping our clients navigate developing parenting agreements and building co-parenting relationships. Our first priority is helping you protect your children – give us a call today to learn more about your options.

Fostering Collaboration for Effective Co-Parenting

As co-parents, you and your spouse don’t have to be friends or hang out socially. It’s an option that’s available, of course, but what co-parenting really means is that the two of you agree to work together for the best interests of your children.

This means that you keep their needs at the forefront and agree to communicate clearly and in a timely manner to avoid conflicts. It means that you agree to maintain the consistent routines that your kids need (whatever those might be) to alleviate any undue stress for them.

This includes things like:

• Discussing changes and requests ahead of time (rather than blindsiding your co-parent)
• Anticipating and discussing developmental changes in your children (the structure that works for a 2-year-old probably won’t be suitable for the same child when they’re 8)
• Maintaining consistency across households (this includes agreeing on things like bedtimes, what the kids are allowed to watch, and homework expectations)

Note that these agreements are not meant to limit your parenting relationship with your children – rather, they’re designed to give your children the consistency they need instead of expecting them to have separate lives with each parent.

In the past, the separate lives are what many children of divorce had to deal with. Life at Mom’s and life at Dad’s were two very different things, and the kids were often shuttled back and forth for “visitation”. And unfortunately, we saw the damage that situations like this brought to entire generations of kids.

This is why, whenever possible, the courts will tend toward encouraging co-parenting. If this is not possible sole custody may be granted, but if both parents are loving and stable, the state wants to give both parents the opportunity to be very present in their children’s lives.

To speak with our team about the co-parenting options that may be open to you – and about the logistics of putting that agreement in place – give us a call today or click the button below to schedule your Needs Assessment Call.

When you do, a friendly member of our team will listen to your situation, gather some more information, and schedule you quickly with the right attorney.

DISCLAIMER: Any information contained herein is solely for informational purposes. While it is important that you educate yourself, nothing herein should be construed as legal advice or create an attorney-client relationship. For specific questions, we urge you to contact a local attorney for advice pertaining to your specific legal needs.